Lesson 5. Flexibility. Ministry School (A) of Father’s Blessing Church, Kyiv, Ukraine.
Lesson objective: To learn to be firm in biblical principles while remaining flexible in our approach to different people and situations.
Key Verse
1 Cor. 9:22
“I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.”
Ministry involves people, and people are different. One person understands quickly; another needs things explained several times. One is ready to act immediately; another needs time. One is open and outgoing; another is cautious and reserved. One needs encouragement; another needs to be stopped. One needs more freedom; another needs more support and supervision.
Therefore, it is impossible to minister to everyone in exactly the same way.
Some things do not change. The Word of God does not change. God’s commandments do not change. God’s truth does not change. Sin does not become right simply because it is more convenient for someone.
But the ways we communicate with, mentor, teach, correct, and minister to people may vary.
A minister’s maturity lies in knowing where to stand firm on principles and where to be flexible in approach.
If a minister does not understand this difference, one of two extremes usually arises.
The first extreme is excessive rigidity. A person thinks, “I speak to everyone the same way,” “I have one approach for everyone,” “If this method helped one person, it will help everyone,” and “People should adapt to me.”
The second extreme is improper flexibility, when, for a person’s convenience, the truth is changed, wrongdoing is overlooked, or something that contradicts the Word of God is called acceptable.
Both extremes are wrong.
Biblical flexibility is not a lack of convictions. It is the ability to preserve unchanging truth while wisely choosing how to minister to a particular person.
Flexibility Does Not Mean Compromise
It is very important to distinguish between principles and methods.
Principles are based on the truth of the Word of God. Methods are the ways we apply these principles in a specific situation.
For example, we must speak the truth. That is a principle. But the truth needs to be spoken directly to one person. With another, we first need to build trust. A third may need to be asked questions so that they can see the problem for themselves. A fourth may need time to think.
The truth is one. The approaches are different.
We must correct what is wrong. But the Bible teaches us to take a person’s condition into account.
1 Thess. 5:14
“Admonish the disorderly, encourage the fainthearted, support the weak, and be patient with everyone.”
Notice: this passage does not suggest one course of action for everyone. The disorderly person should be admonished, the fainthearted encouraged, and the weak supported.
If a weak person is only admonished, they may be completely broken. If the disorderly person is only encouraged, they may never change.
Therefore, a mature minister first tries to understand whom they are dealing with and what is happening to the person, and only then chooses the right approach.
The same problem in two people does not always have the same cause. One person was late because they are irresponsible. Another was late because their child became ill. A third miscalculated the time. A fourth is going through a difficult season of life.
The fact is the same: the person was late. But the minister’s appropriate response may differ.
Wisdom does not begin with a quick reaction. Wisdom begins with understanding.
How do you determine whether firmness or flexibility is needed here?
When you do not understand whether you may change your approach, ask yourself a simple question:
Is what I am required to change a biblical principle or merely the way it is applied?
If it concerns…
- A clear commandment of Scripture – Do not change it.
- Biblical truth — We do not change it.
- The matter of sin and righteousness — We do not call wrong right.
- Our way of communicating — We can be flexible.
- Our leadership style — We can be flexible.
- Timing and order of actions — We can be flexible.
- Our ministry method — We can review it.
- The format of the service — We can change it.
- Personal preferences and traditions — We do not present them as God’s commandments.
The commandment to love people does not change. But how exactly we show love to a particular person may differ.
The need to speak the truth does not change. But when, where, and how to speak that truth requires wisdom.
The need to correct what is wrong does not change. But one person may need a direct conversation, another a calm explanation, and a third time to become ready to listen.
Therefore, use a simple filter:
If this is clearly established by Scripture, stand firm.
If it is a method, format, style, timing, or approach, seek the wisest way forward.
The word “flexibility” must not be used to mask a fear of telling someone the truth, an unwillingness to take a stand, or a desire to please everyone.
But neither should the word “principled” be used to mask one’s own harshness, pride, habits, or unwillingness to take other people into account.
When Flexibility Becomes Enabling
There is another danger a minister needs to be aware of.
Sometimes a person really is going through a difficult period and needs a special approach, patience, and additional support. But there are situations when a person begins to continually use their circumstances, difficulties, or “special circumstances” to avoid responsibility.
For example, a person fails to carry out an assignment several times. The first time, they truly had a serious reason. But then the situation keeps recurring, and a new explanation appears each time.
If a minister is afraid to address the issue directly, the person may get used to the idea that simply explaining their circumstances is enough for responsibility to disappear again.
In this way, gentleness gradually turns into enabling.
Another example: a person regularly breaks agreements, but every conversation ends with the words: “You must understand me,” “I’m going through a difficult period right now,” “Why can’t you show me more love?”
Difficult circumstances truly need to be taken into account. But understanding someone’s circumstances does not always remove responsibility.
A mature minister must be able to discern:
- Does the person truly need help right now, or are they using help to avoid changing?
- Do they need more time, or are they continually postponing the necessary decision?
- Do they need support, or are they shifting their responsibility onto others?
- Did they make a mistake, or has a recurring pattern of behavior developed?
Sometimes love means supporting a person. But sometimes love means calmly and directly saying:
- “I understand that this is difficult for you, but this responsibility is still yours.”
- “We are ready to help you, but we cannot keep doing for you what you are responsible for doing yourself.”
- “We can give you one more opportunity, but real changes must happen after that.”
Flexibility does not mean that a minister must constantly save a person from the consequences of their own decisions.
If every time we solve a person’s problem for them, fix the consequences of their irresponsibility, and relieve them of their obligations, we may not be helping them grow; instead, we may be reinforcing immaturity.
Real help does not merely make a person’s life easier. Real help also leads them toward maturity and responsibility.
It is helpful to ask ourselves several questions:
- Is this an isolated situation or a recurring pattern of behavior?
- Does the person take responsibility, or do they look for someone to blame every time?
- Does change take place after help is provided, or does everything remain as before?
- Does my help enable the person to grow, or does it make them increasingly dependent on my help?
- Am I showing love, or am I simply afraid to say “no” to the person?
Flexibility without boundaries can turn into enabling.
Help without wisdom can make a person dependent on help.
A mature minister knows how to show understanding toward a person while also expecting them to take responsibility.
Three Biblical Examples
1. Jesus Ministered to Different People in Different Ways
Jesus spoke the same truth to people, but interacted with them in different ways.
With Nicodemus, He spoke about being born again. With the Samaritan woman, He began the conversation with a simple request for water. He told Zacchaeus that He wanted to come to his home. Jesus could speak very directly to religious hypocrites, while showing mercy to people broken by sin who were seeking help.
Jesus did not use one memorized script for everyone. He saw the person, their condition, and their real need.
This is an important example for a minister. Sometimes we are so focused on what we want to say to a person that we stop listening to the person themselves. We have already prepared an answer, already decided what their problem is, and already know what they need to do.
But a mature minister first listens, asks questions, observes, and seeks to understand. Only then does he act.
Conclusion from the example: God’s truth is one, but the way to a particular person’s heart may differ. A mature minister serves not a template, but a person.
2. The Apostle Paul knew how to adapt his approach
Paul wrote:
1 Cor. 9:22
“I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.”
Paul did not change the Gospel. He changed his approach to people.
He knew how to speak with Jews and minister to Gentiles, address the educated, and work with ordinary people. He took into account the culture, thinking, and level of understanding of those he served.
This is not compromise. It is wisdom.
Sometimes a minister thinks, “I said everything correctly. If the person did not understand, that is their problem.”
But the minister’s task is not only to say things correctly. The task is, as far as possible, to help the person understand correctly.
If a new believer does not know church terminology, it should be explained. If a person has never read the Bible, we cannot expect them to have the same understanding as a believer with many years of experience. If a person is going through a difficult situation, that must also be taken into account in the conversation.
Paul changed the form, but he did not change the truth.
Conclusion from the example: Flexibility is the ability to change the way we minister for a person’s sake without changing God’s truth for the sake of convenience.
3. One principle may require different actions
The Apostle Paul writes:
1 Thess. 5:14
“Admonish the disorderly, encourage the fainthearted, support the weak, and be patient with everyone.”
This verse reveals a very practical principle of ministry: before taking action, we should try to correctly discern a person’s condition.
There may be three people before us who behave outwardly in the same way, but the reasons for their behavior are completely different. One needs correction, the second needs encouragement, and the third needs support.
If we confuse these approaches, we can cause harm even with good motives.
Therefore, it is not enough for a minister to know the right words. They need wisdom to understand what words to say, to whom, when, and in what way.
Conclusion from the example: Effective ministry begins with correctly understanding a person.
People Are Not the Same
One of the biggest mistakes a minister can make is creating one template and applying it to everyone:
- “It helped me, so it will help you.”
- “I did it this way, so you must do it too.”
- “I changed quickly—and you should too.”
- “I didn’t need much explanation—so neither do you.”
But people are at different stages of life and spiritual growth. They differ in character, age, life experience, level of knowledge, temperament, abilities, family background, and learning pace.
Therefore, treating everyone the same does not always mean treating everyone correctly.
- A good doctor does not give every patient the same medicine. First, they try to understand what is happening.
- A good teacher knows that one student understands immediately, while another needs things explained differently.
- A good parent understands that even children in the same family can be completely different.
A mature minister should act the same way.
Flexibility in the Team
Different people require different levels of leadership.
A new person usually needs more explanation, while an experienced person needs more freedom. One works well independently; another needs regular check-ins. One calmly accepts correction, while with another, you need to choose the timing and manner of the conversation especially carefully. One is ready for significant responsibility, while another should be entrusted with a smaller task for now.
A leader’s mistake is managing everyone the same way.
If a mature and responsible person is constantly monitored, they may feel mistrusted. If an inexperienced person is given too much freedom right away, they may not be able to handle it. If a sensitive person is corrected harshly in public, unnecessary pain may be caused.
Therefore, a minister should watch not only how the task is being carried out, but also the person.
Five Practices of a Flexible Minister
Practice 1. Separate Principles from Methods
Regularly ask yourself: “Is this truly a biblical principle, or simply a method I am accustomed to?”
If it is a principle of the Word of God, hold fast to it. If it is a method, be ready to reconsider it.
Practice 2. Do Not Quickly Label People
Pay attention to your thoughts: “He always…,” “She never…,” “Everything is clear with him…”
When you notice this, stop and ask: “What might I not know about this person or situation?”
Practice 3. Ask More Questions
Before giving advice, try to understand the person.
Ask: “What happened?”, “How do you see it?”, “What is most difficult for you right now?”, “Why do you think this keeps happening?”, “How can I help you?”
Sometimes five minutes of good questions are more useful than thirty minutes of advice.
Practice 4. Check Your Motivation and Boundaries
Before making an important decision, ask yourself:
- “Am I defending God’s truth right now, or my own ego?”
- “Am I truly standing on principle, or do I simply not want to compromise?”
- “Am I showing flexibility out of wisdom, or out of fear of people?”
- “Is my help helping this person grow, or making them dependent on me?”
Honest answers to these questions help maintain the right balance between firmness, flexibility, love, and responsibility.
Conclusion
A mature minister keeps God’s principles unchanging, but does not turn his methods and habits into a mandatory template for everyone. He seeks to understand people, chooses a wise approach, and at the same time does not allow flexibility to become compromise or permissiveness.
Main Takeaway
Be firm in God’s principles, but flexible in your approach to people.
Look not only at the person’s circumstances, but also at the results of your approach: does it help the person grow, change, and take responsibility?
Key lesson takeaways
- God’s commandments and biblical principles do not change, but methods of communication and ministry may vary.
- A mature minister does not apply one template to everyone, but seeks to understand each person and their situation.
- Flexibility is not a compromise with truth. You can change the form, method, style, and timing without changing the Word of God.
- Flexibility must not turn into permissiveness.
- Mature flexibility requires the ability to listen, ask questions, set boundaries, acknowledge mistakes, and change ineffective methods.
Discussion questions
- In what situations is it most difficult for you to show flexibility?
- Are there methods or rules that you are accustomed to applying to everyone in the same way?
- How can you distinguish healthy flexibility from compromise or permissiveness?
- Have there been situations when your help genuinely helped someone grow?
- Have there been situations when your help enabled someone to avoid responsibility?
Practical Assignment for This Week
- Choose one person with whom you find it difficult to interact. This week, try to listen to them more and ask questions instead of responding with your usual quick reaction.
- Identify one situation where you need to uphold a principle but change your method or approach to communication.
- Notice how often you use words such as “always,” “never,” or “they’re all like that” in your thoughts or conversations. Check whether this truly corresponds to the facts.
- Before one important conversation, use this filter: “Is this a biblical principle or my usual method?”
- Analyze one situation in which you regularly help someone. Ask yourself: “Does my help enable this person to become more mature and responsible, or does it make them increasingly dependent on my help?”
Prayer
Lord, give me wisdom to serve people properly, listen to them, understand them, and avoid jumping to conclusions.
Help me stand firm in Your truth while remaining flexible in my approaches. Deliver me from rigidity, pride, and the desire to make everyone fit the same mold.
Teach me to understand when to support, when to correct, when to show patience, and when to set a boundary.
Help me stand firm in truth, remain flexible in my methods, and be wise in my decisions.
In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
