Ministry School (A). Lesson 2. Relationships: The Foundation of Ministry

Lesson 2. Relationships: The Foundation of Ministry. Ministry School (A) of Father’s Blessing Church, Kyiv, Ukraine.

School Contents

Lesson Objective. To understand that true ministry in the Kingdom of God is built not only on gifts and tasks, but above all on love, honor, trust, and friendship among ministers. When we value people more than results, ministry becomes stronger and more enduring.

Key Verse

John 13:35 “By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another”

Jesus did not say, “By this they will know that you are My disciples, if you have many events.” He did not say, “If you have a strong organization.” He did not say, “If you have a lot of activity.” He said: if you love one another. This is very important, because in the Kingdom of God, the result is not the only thing that matters. The spirit in which we achieve that result matters.

You can do ministry and wound people.
You can build a church and destroy relationships.
You can be active but cold.
You can be useful but harsh.
You can do many things and yet lose your love.

But that no longer resembles Christ.

FOUR BIBLICAL EXAMPLES

1. Jesus and the Disciples: First “to Be with Him,” Then “to Be Sent”

Mark 3:14
“And He appointed twelve, that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach”

Pay attention to the order.

First—to be with Him.
Then—to send them out to preach.

Jesus did not build ministry solely around tasks. He did not tell the disciples, “Here is your to-do list; go and get to work.” He lived with them. Ate with them. Walked with them. Explained things to them. Corrected them. Endured their weaknesses. Answered their questions. Set an example. He was building more than just a team of people who carried out instructions. He was building relationships. The disciples saw not only Jesus’ power. They saw His heart.

They saw how He treated people.
How He spoke with sinners.
How He answered the Pharisees.
How He prayed.
How He rested.
How He endured.
How He forgave.
How He loved.

And in the end, Jesus said to them:

John 15:15
“I no longer call you servants… but I have called you friends”

These are very powerful words.

Jesus is Lord. He had every right to speak only as a Master. But He opened His heart to the disciples and called them friends.

The conclusion from this example:
Jesus built ministry through relationships. He did not use the disciples as a workforce. He drew them close, taught them, loved them, and made them His friends.

Ministry becomes strong not when people simply carry out tasks, but when trust, love, and shared life exist among them.

2. Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

Before the cross, Jesus did what the disciples did not expect.

He rose, took off His outer garment, took a towel, and began washing the disciples’ feet.

John 13:14–15
“So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.”

Jesus did not cease to be Lord when He washed their feet. He did not lose His authority. He did not become weak. On the contrary, He showed that true spiritual authority does not humiliate people but serves them.

The world often thinks differently: “If I am higher-ranking, people should serve me.” “If I am a leader, people should respect me.”

But Jesus showed another way. He was Lord, yet He took a towel. He was Teacher, yet He humbled Himself. He was King, yet He served. This is the culture of the Kingdom.

In the Church, honor should not flow only from the bottom up. It is not only younger people who should respect older people. It is not only assistants who should respect leaders.

Leaders must also honor people.
Older people should care for younger ones.
The strong should cover the weak.
The experienced should patiently teach the inexperienced.

Conclusion from this example:
True leadership does not destroy relationships for the sake of results. True leadership sets an example of love, humility, and honor.

A minister who knows how to humble himself does not become lesser. He becomes more like Christ.

3. David and Jonathan

The story of David and Jonathan is one of the strongest examples of honor and friendship in the Bible. Jonathan was the son of King Saul. By human reasoning, he could have expected the royal throne. But God chose David. To Jonathan, David could have become a threat.

He could have started to feel jealous.
He could have started competing.
He could have thought, “Because of David, I will lose my position.”

But Jonathan acted differently.

1 Samuel 18:1
“Jonathan’s soul was knit to David’s soul, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”

Jonathan saw God’s calling on David’s life and honored it.

He did not envy David.
He did not try to take his place.
He helped him.

This is a very important lesson for ministers.

Sometimes God begins to raise up another person alongside you.
Gifts begin to emerge in them.
People begin to notice them.
They begin to be entrusted with responsibility.
They begin to bear fruit.

And at that moment, the heart is tested.

We can rejoice that God is raising someone up.
Or we can start competing.

We can bless them.
Or we can begin to suspect them.

We can cover them.
Or we can start looking for their shortcomings.

Jonathan shows us the right path: to honor God’s calling in another person, even when it does not strengthen your personal position.

The lesson from this example:
Friendship in ministry is impossible without overcoming envy and competition. If we cannot rejoice in another person’s growth, we will destroy unity.

A culture of honor says this:

“I rejoice that God is using you.”
“We serve the same Lord.”
“Your victory is not my loss.”

Honor defeats competition.

4. Paul and His Co-Workers

Sometimes we picture the apostle Paul as a lone hero. But that is an inaccurate picture. Paul almost always ministered with others. Barnabas, Silas, Timothy, Titus, Luke, Priscilla and Aquila, Epaphroditus, Onesimus, Aristarchus, Tychicus, Mark, and many others were with him.

In his letters, Paul often calls people co-workers, brothers, beloved, faithful, and helpers.

He was not ashamed to thank people publicly.
He did not pretend that the entire ministry depended on him alone.
He acknowledged the contribution of others.

Rom. 16:3–4
“Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my co-workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their own lives for me”

Paul remembered who had been by his side. He valued those who took risks. He called them co-workers, not merely executors.

The story of Mark is especially important.

At one time, Paul did not want to take Mark with him because Mark had previously left them. Because of this, Paul and Barnabas even had a disagreement.

But later Paul writes to Timothy:

2 Tim. 4:11
“Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for ministry”

This shows maturity. A person who once failed does not necessarily have to be written off forever. And a mature ministry culture knows not only how to discipline, but also how to restore.

Takeaway from the example:
Ministry becomes stronger when people do not feel used, but feel honored, needed, and loved.

The Main Danger: Using People for the Sake of the Work

There is a wrong model of ministry:

“We need to fulfill the vision at any cost.”
“We need people to carry it out.”

Organization itself is not bad. Schedules are necessary. Accountability is necessary. But danger begins when we see people only as functions.

Not a person, but a singer.
Not a person, but an administrator.
Not a person, but a small-group leader.
Not a person, but someone who “locks up the building.”

When a person is needed only for a function, sooner or later they will feel it.

They will feel that they are not loved.
They are simply being used.
They are noticed only when they are needed.
They are valued only as long as they are useful.

In this way, ministry becomes burdensome. A person may continue doing the work, but inwardly they will begin to distance themselves.

Therefore, it is important to remember:
People are not tools of ministry.
People are the goal of ministry.

A minister should not be like a manager who squeezes results out of people. A minister should be like a shepherd who leads, corrects, strengthens, and loves.

A CULTURE OF HONOR

A culture of honor is when people treat one another not as competitors or as labor, but as God’s people.

Romans 12:10
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

Honor is not flattery. Honor is the ability to see God’s value in a person.

Even if they are not yet perfect.
Even if they are learning.
Even if they make mistakes.
Even if they are younger.

1. Honor is expressed in simple things:
2. Do not speak to a person in a demeaning way.
3. Do not correct someone harshly in front of everyone if you can speak with them privately.
4. Do not devalue a person’s work.
5. Give thanks not only for great things, but also for faithfulness in small things.
6. Do not discuss someone behind their back.
7. Do not compete with one another over gifts.
8. Being able to ask for forgiveness.
9. Being able to support someone when they are tired.

Honor does not mean that correction is forbidden.

You can correct someone.
You should correct someone.
But correction can be done in different ways.

You can correct someone in a way that makes them want to grow.
Or you can correct someone in a way that makes them no longer want to serve.

The purpose of correction is not to prove who is right.
The purpose of correction is to help a person grow.

A Culture of Friendship Among Ministers

Friendship in ministry is not simply drinking tea together. Friendship is trust. It is when the person beside you is not merely a “ministry colleague,” but a brother or sister.

It is when a person knows:
“If I make a mistake, I will not be destroyed.”
“If I get tired, I will not be cast aside.”
“If I grow, people will not envy me.”
“If I need to be corrected, they will speak with me honestly, but in love.”
“If I am going through a difficult season, I will not be left alone.”

Such relationships make ministry strong.

What Destroys Relationships in Ministry?

1. Envy

It is when another person is growing, but instead of rejoicing inside, you become tense.

Envy says:
“Why was he noticed?”
“Why was she entrusted with it?”
“Why not me?”

Envy destroys friendship and leads to pride. And “pride” often lies behind envy, competition, and an unwillingness to apologize.

2. Comparison

Comparison makes a person live not according to their own calling, but according to someone else’s success.

One sings.
Another teaches.
A third organizes.
A fourth prays.
A fifth serves children.

Everyone is different. But everyone is needed.

3. Resentment

Resentment often begins with small things.

You were not invited.
You were not thanked.
You were not noticed.
Something was said the wrong way.
Someone looked at you the wrong way.

If you do not deal with it right away, a small resentment becomes a wall.

4. Gossip

Gossip is poison to a team.

Where people talk about one another behind each other’s backs, trust dies.

If there is a problem, talk to that person—not to others about them.

5. Lack of Gratitude

Sometimes people serve for years but hear only criticism.

If a person hears only what they did wrong and almost never hears gratitude, their motivation will disappear, and they will begin to distance themselves.

PRACTICAL STEPS

Step 1: Examine Your Heart

Ask yourself honest questions:

Which minister do I envy?
With whom am I competing internally?
Whom have I stopped respecting?
Whom do I see only as a function?
Whom do I need to apologize to?
Whom do I need to thank?
With whom do I need to restore my relationship?

Do not begin by blaming others. Start with yourself. Sometimes we expect the team to change, but God first wants to change our hearts.

Step 2: Give Specific Thanks

Don’t just say, “Thank you for serving.” Be specific:

“Thank you for coming early and getting everything ready.”
“Thank you for calmly helping solve the problem.”
“Thank you for serving the children, even when no one sees it.”
“Thank you for being faithful in little things.”

Specific gratitude strengthens people. People need to hear not only correction, but also recognition of their efforts.

Step 3: Correct Personally and with Love

If someone makes a mistake, don’t humiliate them in front of everyone. Talk to them privately.

Wrong:

“You messed everything up again.”
“You can’t be relied on.”
“If you don’t know how, don’t take it on.”

Right:

“Let’s look at what happened.”
“There was a mistake here.”
“Here’s how it can be done better.”
“Let’s try again, but do it differently this time.”

Correction should open a path to growth, not close a person’s heart.

Step 4: Don’t Talk Behind Someone’s Back

Adopt this simple rule: If I’m not willing to say it to the person directly, I won’t say it to anyone else. This greatly purifies the atmosphere.

Not every conversation about a person is gossip. Sometimes it is necessary to discuss a situation with a responsible leader to help the person or resolve a problem.

But if the conversation does not help and only spreads discontent, it is already destroying the team.

Step 5: Build Relationships Beyond Tasks

If people communicate only about tasks, relationships will remain formal.

Sometimes you simply need to talk about everyday life.
Ask how things are going.
Pray together.
Spend time together without an agenda.
Laugh.
Offer support.

Ministry becomes easier when people know one another not only as team members, but as brothers and sisters.

Step 6: Rejoice in the Growth of Others

When God raises someone else up, bless them.

Say:

“I’m glad God is using you.”
“You’re doing a great job.”
“Keep going.”

Such words build the team’s atmosphere.

Where people know how to rejoice for one another, there is less fear, less competition, and more trust.

DEBUNKING MYTHS

Myth 1: “The main thing is getting the job done”

The work matters. But if the work gets done while people are broken, that is bad fruit. In the Kingdom of God, it matters not only what we have done, but also what we have become in the process.

Myth 2: “You don’t have to be friends in ministry; the main thing is getting the job done”

You can work without relationships for a while. But it won’t work that way for long. When pressure, exhaustion, or conflict comes, it is not structure alone that will hold the team together, but trust.

Myth 3: “Honor means that everyone stays silent and does not argue”

No. Honor does not mean staying silent when there is a problem. Honor means speaking up, but doing so rightly: without humiliation, pride, gossip, or a desire to prove oneself right.

Myth 4: “If I am a leader, I don’t need to apologize”

On the contrary. The greater the responsibility, the higher the standards. When a leader knows how to apologize, the team does not grow weaker. The team becomes healthier.

Myth 5: “If someone lets you down, they should be removed”

Sometimes a person truly does need to be removed from ministry, especially when there is sin, danger, manipulation, or harm to people.

But not every mistake means that a person should be removed from the team.

Sometimes he needs to be taught.
Sometimes restored.
Sometimes supported.
Sometimes given time.

God does not discard people after their first mistake.

BENEFITS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

For ministers:

✅ Easier to serve together
✅ Less inner tension
✅ More trust
✅ More joy
✅ Fewer hurts and hidden conflicts

For the team:

✅ People are not afraid to make mistakes and learn
✅ Problems are easier to solve
✅ Loyalty develops
✅ Ministry becomes more sustainable
✅ People want to stay connected

For the Church:

✅ The atmosphere becomes warmer
✅ New people see love, not conflict
✅ Greater unity
✅ Fewer divisions
✅ Ministry reflects the character of Christ

CONCLUSION

• Jesus called the disciples to be with Him first, and then sent them out to serve.
• Jesus washed the disciples’ feet because true leadership serves people rather than using them.
• Jonathan honored David because friendship and God’s calling are more important than competition.
• Paul valued his fellow workers because great ministry cannot be built without faithful relationships.

The main conclusion:

God builds ministry not only through gifts, tasks, and responsibility. God builds ministry through love, honor, friendship, and faithfulness.

Relationships are more important than ministry not because ministry is unimportant. Relationships are more important than ministry because without love, ministry loses the character of God.

• This is not weakness. It is maturity.
• This is not a waste of time. It is a foundation.
• This is not human gentleness. It is the culture of the Kingdom of God.

Key Takeaways from the Lesson

1. Ministry should not turn people into tools for achieving results.
2. Jesus built ministry through closeness, love, and example.
3. Honor does not eliminate correction, but it changes the tone and purpose of correction.
4. Friendship among ministers protects the team from envy, competition, and division.
5. A mature team knows how to give thanks, correct, forgive, and restore.

Discussion Questions

1. Where in ministry do I most often see people as a function rather than as having value to God?
2. With which minister do I need to restore my relationship?
3. Whom do I envy, or with whom am I competing internally?
4. Whom have I not thanked for their work in a long time?
5. What can I do this week to strengthen a culture of honor in my team?

Practical Assignment for This Week

1. Write down the names of three ministers with whom you serve together.
2. Next to each name, write one specific thing you are thankful for.
3. During the week, personally express this gratitude to each person.
4. If there is someone with whom your relationship is strained, take the first step: write, call, or invite them to talk.
5. Write in your journal: What was more difficult—giving thanks, asking for forgiveness, or speaking honestly with love?

PRAYER

Lord, teach me to love people more than results.
Cleanse my heart of envy, competition, pride, and resentment.
Grow in me a culture of honor.
Teach me to see not a function in people, but their value in You.
May our ministry be not only powerful but also healthy.
May people see the love of Christ among us.
And may everything we do be for Your glory.

Amen.